Challenges..

The world is such a strange place. The life we live can be so frustrating at times; it has the ability to test you to the limits of your existence all the while mocking your unwavering resolve but somewhat pathetic attempts of persistence.

Growing up, we’re all somehow made aware of the unfairness of life and best equipped to face the many disappointments and setbacks with a brave face. Yet along the way, through repeated trial and error we each learn by our own mistakes and I believe that sometimes it’s necessary for a person to face the shame of failure. It not only highlights the absolute embarrassment and disgrace of being a complete let-down, but enables a person to build within themselves a passion and drive to never want to go through the humiliation of failure again.

However what really gets to me is the unfairness of how certain systems can completely rid a person’s chance of success. How, through sheer laziness and incompetence, one person can single-handedly destroy another’s chance of accomplishment.

What’s worse is when the person being let down deserves much more than they are being given. When they know that they are right and the other person is unwilling to listen, or even let them prove their point. The very unfairness of life comes to light at certain times. The disappointment at such instances is enough to make a person want to drown in self-misery.

A person begins to question their own competence and capabilities. Questions which had such definitive answers seem to lack the credibility they once did.

I suppose at times like these it’s important to remind ourselves that dreaming big and aiming high comes hand in hand with disappointments, setbacks and challenges. That being focused and driven is imperative. Life is a test and was never meant to be easy. But the finish line is in sight and maybe, just maybe, one day the tables will turn and we’ll each get what we deserve.

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.”
T.E.Lawrence

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.”

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.”

nadia nawaz

2012- Overview. This one’s for you, yes you; the one reading this title right now!

I sit at a university computer amidst a row of dusty workstations, discarded wrappers,crisp crumbs and empty energy drink cans left over from the bunch of students working late into the night.It is yet too early for the cleaning crew to make their daily round or for the surrounding computers to be occupied. Soon the place will be abuzz with conversation, excited chatter about the up coming holidays and agitated students rushing through last-minute submissions. The university library has become somewhat of a second home, forever open; 24/7 to the ever seeking. Today I try not to cringe at the sheer laziness of how someone could refuse to pick up after themselves especially when the trash-can happens to be a foot length away. My mind is preoccupied with wandering  thoughts as my eyes witness the beauty surrounding me, separated only by a wall of glass.

Pure Bliss!

Pure Bliss!

For once the sun seems to shinning, but I have learnt that is merely an illusion. For if you were to stand outside, the icy winds would cut right through you, chilling you to the bone. Today the water is neither calm nor aggressive. The waves seem to be moving in gentle ripples, carried by the wind. The sun streams in through the clear glass windows lining the wall from floor to ceiling. As I sit and watch, a plane slowly makes its decent, its wheels slowly turning, moving to a  rhythm as it begins to glide down like a bird, so elegant and mesmerizing.

The moment of joy when you click the button and get the perfect shot!!

The moment of joy when you click the button and get the perfect shot!!

Today happens to be the last day of this year’s semester A. Two more exams stand in the way of moving on to the next semester. When I first began it seemed such a long long way to go, yet now time seems to be moving more like the river I sit overlooking.Fluid and fast paced, its passing by in a whirl. 2012 has almost come to an end and so has my cycle of fast paced madness.

The rapidity with which this year has passed never fails to stun me. It seems as though it were only yesterday that I was standing glued to my television screen watching the fireworks erupt over the London eye at 12 a.m. Too warm and comfortable at home to brave the cold, rush and traffic in an attempt to be at the actual monument.(Truth be told,if I remember correctly, my dad was under the weather and my mother just refused to drive us all the way there).

Nevertheless  here I am, a year later feeling pretty much cheated over by time and its cleverness, barely struggling to keep up with my ticking clock.

Looking over the year, all I see is a flashback of events. So monotonous and similar. Naturally I’ve had my fair share of shitty terrible days which I would rather not think about any more than I have to.  Having said that, what I cannot deny is the number of opportunities which have come my way, the people I have met and the laughter I have shared with them.

Along with this, I have also learnt a lot about myself, my capabilities and how blessed I truly am. I understand that not everyone is lucky enough to have a knack for writing and expressing their thoughts and emotions through their words. What’s funny is how I’ve learnt more about accounting, shareholders, stock exchanges, film industries and fashion-through helping friends in their course work-than I ever cared to know.I have never felt more humbled than when acquaintances and friends have considered me skilful enough to  ask me for help with their final year dissertations. (Being a junior, and in a year below them, this really meant a lot). The appreciation people have shown thereafter is the best reward I can dream of getting.

I have decided to end this year on a good note, focusing on all the positives and trying my hardest to be as optimistic as I can. I conclude this, hoping and praying that the coming year will be a form of happiness, and a source of inspiration for us all out there, hoping to achieve something worthy in life.

Note: A big thank you and lots of love to anyone who ever makes the effort to read these posts. Getting a comment is like unwrapping a surprise present. Meaningful criticism and counter arguments are always embraced with pleasure. I love the thought of someone challenging me with their own thoughts and views.It’s one of the best parts of writing! 

smile-famous-quotes-sayings_large

Beautiful Stranger…

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The ground is silver from the residue of left over early morning frost. The skies are an expanse of dusky grey with hints of white, depicting an aura of misery and gloom. People walk about hurriedly, bundled up in multiple layers of clothing, yet chilled to the bone. The unmistakable feeling of dread hangs in the air, like a heavy stench of rotting carcasses; intolerable, yet inescapable.

Dew drops gather on the widow, creating a layer of mist, clouding over the once spotless glass, obscuring  my view. IMG_20121109_210615

From my perch at the window sill, I look out at the world. My feet numb from the cold, my nose a bright red. I get up off my seat to warm up a little.

The world is an austere picture of bleakness. Every colour seems to have evaporated along with the cold icy wind, leaving behind forlorn faces clouded with desolation.

Appreciation is found in the smell of freshly brewed coffee, the warmth of a crowded café and the crackling of the fire. I find a reason to be grateful. Looking up, meeting the eyes of a beautiful stranger and returning his smile, I’m filled with a sense of contentment and warmth, and  gratitude far beyond my comprehension.

Coffee-One of the greatest gift's to man

Coffee-One of the greatest gift’s to man

nadia nawaz

Confessions!! You ready?

Staring at this blank page spread out across my computer screen, for once in my life I’m at a loss of what to say. I feel as though I could sit here and vent.  Fill pages upon pages upon pages of every single thing that troubles me. Let the tide of emotions take over and let my fingers roll over the key board as I hammer away, letting out my mounting frustrations and then once when I’m done maybe let out a huge sigh of relief, hit the publish  button and let it be. How easy would that be? How daring; to strip myself bare of every thought, feeling and emotion within me for the world to see. To mock, ridicule and criticize.

But then I think of the consequences of what that might trigger. The horrors all the confessions might unleash. The memories it will bring forth.  But most of all, the impact it may have upon me and the repercussions of my words upon those reading them. Just picturing that causes the coward within me to come alive, igniting like a flame upon touching a candle wick.

The selfish side of me wants to not care any more, to complain and vent.  But then my more logical  side takes over, forcing me to over think, process and reprocess every thought and then keep deleting every sentence I write until I’m back where I began. That white expanse of emptiness filling my monitor screen.  Just willing me to do it, to not be so damn cowardly for once in my life. To maybe just let things be and roll with the wind and see where it takes me.

With each complaint I make, the guilt begins to mount until it begins to choke me. I begin to picture those beautiful little orphaned children being forced to live through a waging war in battered countries and my heart goes out to them. My ungratefulness causes me to bow my head in shame and I feel disgusted for letting myself drown in self-pity.

And so with the year coming to an end and two decades behind me I’ve decided that maybe it’s time for me to let go, to move forward and stop back tracking through  my life as though it were a video tape stuck on replay. Maybe this is the chance I’ve been given, to start a new. Maybe it’s time to stop reminiscing over things which can never be the same and look forward with a newer, stronger love for life. Maybe it’s time to start living. So what are you waiting for? Smile that precious smile, take my hand, and away we go…

nadia nawaz