In the dead silent of the night, her recollections created a web of frayed images inside her head and words poured out of her effortlessly. The stillness and loneliness of the darkness engulfed her within its vastness, wrapping itself around her in a mercilessly tight grip.
Her thoughts soared and receded unwilling to settle at a comfortable hum inside her head. Her mind clouded over and she felt himself drown, lost within the suffocating sweetness of the moment. Throughout it all one steady noise reverberated across her ears. The thud of her agitated heart as it continued to steadily beat to its own rhythm never once failing her.
There was a time when feelings floated along the surface, fading as quickly as the rain clouds vanished after a storm. Never lasting more than a few moments in time. Emotions were never so deeply embedded. Seconds were never given their due importance and time just swept along, mindlessly spent as the days drew to a close.
Over the years all that has changed as drastically as the seasons come and go. Memories are now so preciously stored, and life which once so precariously balanced on the edge is savoured and cherished.
Distance has taught the hardest lesson of all. Fondness for those who are absent has increased so out of proportion that words are often insufficient to explain the explosion of feelings experienced.
The value of people and the difference they make in your life, the way a person touches you from the inside making them so impossibly hard to let go of, and the very fragility of life are all emotions so anew and foreign.
But perhaps the hardest lesson of all is that of attachment. Of how an attachment can break you down, confuse you beyond belief and suck the very life out of you when mishandled. How the obsessive thoughts of one person or people can render you incompetent. How your heart can become plagued by them, causing a deep-rooted dissatisfaction.
Above all, how dangerous an attachment can be. How hard it becomes to rid yourself of it and begin life all over.. For nothing can cause pain, like that of giving up a part of yourself you wanted to keep as yours alone forever.. but can undoubtedly never have.
From the moment the words left his lips, she began to doubt him. With every fragment of her being and from the very core of her existence, she refused to believe that what he said could be real. But no matter how much she tried, she could not escape the unmistakable reflection of truth in his eyes.
His words all but brushed over her but the intense pull of his eyes continued to hold her captive.
They portrayed the essence of his feelings; the agony, the love, the yearning, the fear and above all his utter faith and trust in her. They were the very mirrors to his soul.
Like magnets they pulled her towards them, unyielding and unwilling to let go. She saw a reflection of herself in their very midst, mockingly daring her to look away. With each second that ticked by she felt herself drawn in by his powerful gaze and somewhere deep down she finally acknowledged her helplessness…
His heart was bleeding; unnoticeably slow yet undeniably so it continued to slowly suck the life out of him as the days dragged on.
From the exterior he continued to portray a happy, satisfied face. That show of complete contentment everyone was so accustomed to seeing was so ingeniously portrayed that one wouldn’t think of looking twice.
But if one was to peer deep into his eyes, the very depths of his soul would be visible, laid bare for all to see. The pain and longing were like constant fires burning with an unrelenting ferocity, so captivating while at the same time so frightening.
He was in turmoil as his feelings crashed down upon him, swept throughout his muscular form with the powerful flow of blood from his pulsating heart.
For him it was much like the powerful waves which were carried through the ocean on a stormy night. The only difference was that after hours of thrashing and crashing, the storm at sea would soon subside, but his storm continued to gradually brew as the hours whiled away..
For once, since before she could remember, her confusion had subsided. A sense of knowing that what she felt was real and the satisfaction that came with it was enough to calm her and get her through the days.
What lay ahead still scared her as did the thought of how time would play her or how everything would unfold. But the constant presence of that tiny hope and the trust of finally letting it all go had never felt so good. For three years now the same thought and confusion had been spreading across her heart and mind like a disease. It ate away slowly, making her miserable and more alone than ever before, ruining every good memory she had of that time.
Acceptance had been her answer all along. Despite being so sure of it somewhere deep down in the dusty recesses of her mind, she had never before dared to speak the words aloud or even acknowledge them to herself let alone anyone else.
This was only the first step and it had taken years of tears, hurt and a broken trust but it had also made her appreciate everything all the more. For now, she was content to know that her feelings were real and that her destiny would take her where she belonged..