On Graduating, end of University life and some startling confessions-Brace yourself

               Can't wait for my convocation ceremony!

Can’t wait for my convocation ceremony!

Day 8..

So its been 8 days since my result was announced and I officially became a graduate. Having gone through the British University system, I was awarded a first class Hons.Degree in Information Technology. *Proud moment*

Tick Tock.. The time is 3.40 a.m! I should have been asleep over an hour ago, yet here I lay in a darkened room staring at the illuminated screen of my laptop hoping I can make it through this post without having to correct those pesky typo’s. *Bear with me please, I have no patience for editing*

Its been about a week since I’ve stepped out of my house.Literally. Those eye bags I acquired over the course of my final year due to lack of sleep and the insane tan I got from this extreme amount of sun we seem to be having this summer, are finally disappearing.Hurrah!

Those daily, four-hour train journeys have ended. That mounting sense of responsibility, dread of being a failure, inability to comprehend people’s bullshit and hours of struggling with coursework as well as that added exam stress has momentarily lifted.

Yes I know, I should be euphoric at this point – planning a wonderful future ahead, mentally checking off that long list of countries I promised myself  I would visit, exchanging mushy messages with a lover/potential husband/fiancée, basking in the freedom of a worry free future with the world at my fingertips… But here I am instead tapping away at this hour of the night churning out my frustrations to the world. (And I call myself an insanely private person, but I am)

Graduating is weird. It’s a silly overrated concept of finally entering the best years of your life, when in actuality its a kick in the ass and a great big shove through the door of adulthood-ism.

Through the course of your education you may have thought expectations surrounding you were high, but now suddenly you’re on the highest level of the expectation barometer! Questions such as ‘So when are you getting married?’, ‘Why isn’t your daughter engaged yet?’, ‘Let me introduce you to my son-so handsome, he’s perfect for you’, ‘Don’t you have a job yet?’, ‘What are you doing these days?’, ‘So what next?’, ‘What’s the plan?’, ‘You’re 21 years old, about time you settled down no?’ etc pour forth and drown you, left right and centre.

So here I am, plan-less, lover-less (Trust me, I almost had the perfect one and its killing me!), Job-less, Money-less, but completely content at being unemployed for now, just floating between escalating moments of relief, hopelessness and a constant feeling of being completely stagnant both emotionally and mentally..

The fact that I graduated feels like a distant memory, which resurfaces now and again bringing back that much-needed sense of accomplishment.

dog-graduation (1)

 

Nadia Nawaz

 

 

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Shattered expectations-We’ve all faced them

Expectations!  Our very existence revolves around this twelve letter word. From the moment we are born, up until the day we die, people expect something from us and we in turn expect from them. This little mountain of expectations just gets bigger and bigger as time goes on. But the need and hope doesn’t just stop there. Us humans are strange in that regard. No matter how much a person gives us, or how well they treat us, that want for better never stops. Not only that, we then have the audacity to judge and pick flaws in the every single aspect of their lives be it related to us or not.

Maybe this is a part of our psyche and the way in which we were created.  At first I deliberated whether it was just a character flaw, present in the most egotistic of our kind. But with time, I’ve noticed that this little obsession of always wanting more and never being satisfied with not only ourselves but with other people around us, is incorporated in every single one of us irrespective of age. A child of three years will often compare itself with other children and then question why it can’t have the very same if not better.

It’s similar to being trapped inside a spiral. Or a never-ending race where competition seems to get tougher with each step you take, yet no finish line seems to be in sight.

With due time and over the course of our lives the number of setbacks, disappointments and failures we face heighten this sense of longing for something better, and with that comes greater expectation. This little cycle of never-ending requirements continues and often leads to a state of dissatisfaction, depression and discontentment with everyone around you and life in general. This rings true particularly in us youngsters, always looking for an outlet for our frustrations,we sometimes tend to give up. Only realizing later on that set backs are only a part of this life. But only time,age and experience brings about that understanding.

Some people try to overcome this by pretending to themselves that people’s opinion doesn’t matter to them. That they do not expect anything from anyone and aren’t effected by being let down time and time again. This is only a form of self-consolation. If nothing else you’re kidding yourself into believing something while knowing full well that the opposite is true.

However despite the fact that we will always expect from people and vice versa, one thing’s for sure. Our expectations may never diminish but with age we mature and begin to understand the effect of each action, the nature of our responsibilities and the expectations we have from others and in turn owe others. It’s how we fulfil our obligations, responsibilities and the limit to which we choose to satisfy what others expect from us is what is solely dependent upon us.