It had been almost five weeks since they had last met. 35 days to be exact, but who was counting. He had entered her life suddenly, and without warning. A time during which she was despondent at times, but mostly just going through the motions with not much concern about how each day seemed to blur into the next. He had been nothing out of the ordinary. She had glanced at him once and looked away, making nothing of it. Their conversation lasted five minutes at most. He had been well versed, sweet yet polite, but he was the kind of person who didn’t really leave a lasting impression. The second conversation had been different. He had been charming, and she noticed the way his eyes creased so noticeably in the corners whenever he smiled. He smiled a lot, and she couldn’t help but smile with him. It was his kind eyes that she remembered most.
Maybe meeting him has just been another little reminder. A beautifully tragic moment of happiness shared with a stranger who lived oceans apart. Bringing back to life the dreamer in her she had so casually cast away.
People come and go and giving up and letting them be is something she never saw herself doing.
She was always one to hold on to that tiny particle of hope no matter how small..
All that had changed for her. She began to see the more that life had to offer and the amount of wasted time she was spending hoping for something or someone who was so unwilling to give anything back.
And so she finally made a decision, a resolve to let it all be. She had finally stopped trying, stopped wishing and stopped making the effort she was so used. And she realised she had never felt more alive..
Crushed, defeated, overwhelmed, and overcome by feelings too deeply rooted and an attachment so intertwined within her she finally gave up.
To her it seemed that with each passing moment her care for him grew and blossomed like the flowers in spring. It seemed that being apart and blocking him out, cutting him off completely had not been the solution. She knew now, because she had tried it and failed.
The hesitation inside grew and spread around her. That uncertainty and confusion clouded her mind and filled her eyes with tears. The feeling of not knowing how life had played him, was too strong to let go of and fashioned her year into one of constant pain and misery. It thudded along with every beat of her heart settling at the deepest pit inside of her chaining her captive once and for all..
In the darkest hour of the night he lay awake staring into the silence that enveloped him. His thoughts carried him to a place far away as his ears became accustomed to the sound of his rhythmic breathing. For him life was at a stand still, a moment in time where he lay captive. As the days dragged on and the seconds ticked by, he remained a constant in the whirl wind of activities that surrounded him. No matter how hard he tried or what he busied himself in, his mind somehow always found her.
Her… He closed his eyes as once again the very thought of her took his mind through a dizzying blur of entwining memories. Overtime she had consumed him becoming a non-detachable part of his soul making him acutely aware of his own deficiencies, as he bettered himself in a bid to win her.
As the days melted into weeks he all but drifted through, aware of the seasons as they came and went but no longer caring.
Consumed by these thoughts of her, he felt his eye lids become heavy with sleep as his dreams clouded his thoughts and he melted away into a place where they walked as one.
Photo taken in Nimroz province, southern Afghanistan, 2010 by Marko Djurica.
His beautifully crafted face, a mask of unreadable expressions remained as neutral as ever, carefully concealing the tide of whirling emotions washing over him. He felt his blood rush up and course through his veins colouring his face a deep red. Once again his stomach churned as his insides flipped over and he took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down. His senses had all but eluded him, making him unaware of all the commotion of the big city which on other occasions never failed to energize him. His brain was alive as a flurry of thoughts washed over him once more; bringing before his eyes a sequence of pictures he had never failed to forget.
His words washed over her, wrapping themselves around her like a cloak while at the same time cutting a gaping hole through her very core. She gathered her arms around her and breathed in. The power of his words was relentless and she could do nothing but yield to them, captivated and mesmerised by their force. Continue reading →