Disappointment is like a leash around my throat, threatening to strangle me as it slowly tightens with each passing second. The thought of being let down in such an unfathomable way is surreal. But the stark reality of the situation, the finality of the decision and the suddenness with which everything has unfolded is something which cannot be ignored. The very part of us that allows us to open up, trust people and let them get close is the humanness which makes us imperfect, susceptible to harm and just like that we begin to deem ourselves incapable of being loved. Blaming our own poor judgement and openness is just so easy yet it’s the biggest fault of all..
In the dead silent of the night, her recollections created a web of frayed images inside her head and words poured out of her effortlessly. The stillness and loneliness of the darkness engulfed her within its vastness, wrapping itself around her in a mercilessly tight grip.
Her thoughts soared and receded unwilling to settle at a comfortable hum inside her head. Her mind clouded over and she felt himself drown, lost within the suffocating sweetness of the moment. Throughout it all one steady noise reverberated across her ears. The thud of her agitated heart as it continued to steadily beat to its own rhythm never once failing her.
His eyes spoke volumes holding within them secrets heavily guarded as he stared out across the water, watching the ripples form with the gentle wind that carried them across its surface. A rage, smouldering deep within him continued to fester and build as his eyes seared with its powerful pull. Unintentionally his fists clenched around the iron bars of the grid, separating the water from the lower stone wall. His strong hands, knuckles white and hard kept a firm grip on the bar, unyielding as the anger continued to build within him.
Trust me… Seems like a simple two-word sentence, regularly spoken and habitually used by almost all of us at some point in our lives. Yet this very sentence often tends to have the most lethal effects on people imaginable. Every human on this earth is born to expect something. It’s just the way we are. We have been programmed to rely on one another. All that “man is a social animal talk” we grow up hearing, it’s real. We can’t live alone and neither is how it should be. Reliance and trust is built up within us and our dependability on other people tends to grow as we move forward in life.
With every step we take we meet new people. We begin to get closer to them, slowly building up our sense of conviction and faith. Knowing we can count on them to stand by our side and always be there for us, we start to lay back and relax a little.
We begin to slowly shed that outer invisible wall we have erected over time. That hard shell, which keeps us detached from the rest of the world, gradually begins to weaken. As we begin to relax, we become increasingly vulnerable, an easy target for the prey waiting to catch us when we least expect them to.
At times like these, that unexpected blow has the capability to shatter you. Being lied to and having your trust broken comes as a complete knock back. You begin to feel torn up inside and can soon float adrift in your confusion and pain.
But with age comes maturity, a further in-sight and understanding about what people are about, what they stand for and what they’re willing to do just to get what they want.
We all make mistakes, trust the wrong people and in time realize who our true friends are. However the process no matter how painful can always lead to a path of healing and improvement. We come back more resolute and determined to face the world. We gain a sense of confidence which we may have previously lacked. We learn more about the world and our own selves than we would ever have cared to know.
The learning process is always hard and painful but necessary to pass through, just to make us better and stronger people at the end of it all, without which we would never appreciate the good times as much as we do.
“Pain is a pesky part of being human, I’ve learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can’t be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.”
― C. JoyBell C.