The entire idea of him was something completely foreign to her. He had an aura of contentment and dominance about him and though a part of her wanted to continue exploring, he intimidated her. He was, in his very essence different in every way possible from anyone she had met so far. Learning about his experiences was an exciting concept. Yet a sense of hesitancy still held her back from embracing him in his entirety. She was afraid. Secrets were only allowed when kept or revealed by her, and that untold past of his kept her under a blanket of mistrust, holding her back from happiness once again..
Crushed, defeated, overwhelmed, and overcome by feelings too deeply rooted and an attachment so intertwined within her she finally gave up.
To her it seemed that with each passing moment her care for him grew and blossomed like the flowers in spring. It seemed that being apart and blocking him out, cutting him off completely had not been the solution. She knew now, because she had tried it and failed.
The hesitation inside grew and spread around her. That uncertainty and confusion clouded her mind and filled her eyes with tears. The feeling of not knowing how life had played him, was too strong to let go of and fashioned her year into one of constant pain and misery. It thudded along with every beat of her heart settling at the deepest pit inside of her chaining her captive once and for all..