All of you

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The ghost of my past lingers around me like the dense smoke I exhale, the shisha pipe clutched between my fingers.

The air is thick and clouded, a mist of vapour saturating it as with each breath I unfold a sequence of vivid of memories, unlocking the shadow of guilt which refuses to leave my side.

The shadow I always see in the green greying depths of your beautiful eyes..
In the clever formation of your words my mind interprets so radically..
In the dark of the night as I walk alone.

Shadows of the ghost, waiting for me to yield to their persistent nagging, always refusing to acknowledge my resolve.

How can they understand that I regret you, your very existence.. All of you.

nadia nawaz

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For Once..

For once, since before she could remember, her confusion had subsided. A sense of knowing that what she felt was real and the satisfaction that came with it was enough to calm her and get her through the days.

What lay ahead still scared her as did the thought of how time would play her or how everything would unfold. But the constant presence of that tiny hope and the trust of finally letting it all go had never felt so good. For three years now the same thought and confusion had been spreading across her heart and mind like a disease. It ate away slowly, making her miserable and more alone than ever before, ruining every good memory she had of that time.

Acceptance had been her answer all along. Despite being so sure of it somewhere deep down in the dusty recesses of her mind, she had never before dared to speak the words aloud or even acknowledge them to herself let alone anyone else.

This was only the first step and it had taken years of tears, hurt and a broken trust but it had also made her appreciate everything all the more. For now, she was content to know that her feelings were real and that her destiny would take her where she belonged..

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nadia nawaz