On Graduating, end of University life and some startling confessions-Brace yourself

               Can't wait for my convocation ceremony!

Can’t wait for my convocation ceremony!

Day 8..

So its been 8 days since my result was announced and I officially became a graduate. Having gone through the British University system, I was awarded a first class Hons.Degree in Information Technology. *Proud moment*

Tick Tock.. The time is 3.40 a.m! I should have been asleep over an hour ago, yet here I lay in a darkened room staring at the illuminated screen of my laptop hoping I can make it through this post without having to correct those pesky typo’s. *Bear with me please, I have no patience for editing*

Its been about a week since I’ve stepped out of my house.Literally. Those eye bags I acquired over the course of my final year due to lack of sleep and the insane tan I got from this extreme amount of sun we seem to be having this summer, are finally disappearing.Hurrah!

Those daily, four-hour train journeys have ended. That mounting sense of responsibility, dread of being a failure, inability to comprehend people’s bullshit and hours of struggling with coursework as well as that added exam stress has momentarily lifted.

Yes I know, I should be euphoric at this point – planning a wonderful future ahead, mentally checking off that long list of countries I promised myself  I would visit, exchanging mushy messages with a lover/potential husband/fiancée, basking in the freedom of a worry free future with the world at my fingertips… But here I am instead tapping away at this hour of the night churning out my frustrations to the world. (And I call myself an insanely private person, but I am)

Graduating is weird. It’s a silly overrated concept of finally entering the best years of your life, when in actuality its a kick in the ass and a great big shove through the door of adulthood-ism.

Through the course of your education you may have thought expectations surrounding you were high, but now suddenly you’re on the highest level of the expectation barometer! Questions such as ‘So when are you getting married?’, ‘Why isn’t your daughter engaged yet?’, ‘Let me introduce you to my son-so handsome, he’s perfect for you’, ‘Don’t you have a job yet?’, ‘What are you doing these days?’, ‘So what next?’, ‘What’s the plan?’, ‘You’re 21 years old, about time you settled down no?’ etc pour forth and drown you, left right and centre.

So here I am, plan-less, lover-less (Trust me, I almost had the perfect one and its killing me!), Job-less, Money-less, but completely content at being unemployed for now, just floating between escalating moments of relief, hopelessness and a constant feeling of being completely stagnant both emotionally and mentally..

The fact that I graduated feels like a distant memory, which resurfaces now and again bringing back that much-needed sense of accomplishment.

dog-graduation (1)

 

Nadia Nawaz

 

 

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You’ll be missed one day!

Goodbye exams!!

Goodbye exams!!

The long hours in the library! The beautiful view kinda makes up for it..

The long hours in the library! The beautiful view kinda makes up for it..

It’s over!! The semester which seemed to take forever to pass has finally come to an end amid much anticipation and joy on my part. All exams have ended fairly well and I have to thank God for helping me to get all my submissions completed and submitted in time, regardless of it being by the skin of my teeth.

Despite marking another huge tick off my calendar towards an exceedingly fast approaching finishing line, I couldn’t help but be glad when I came out from the exam hall this Wednesday completely exhausted, entirely spent, yet over the moon! The subjects I had to complete as part of the core modules of my degree this time round were dry enough to have me weeping tears of frustration and gulping down lattes half way through the night, for the sheer lack of  focus and concentration I could barely muster. For the most part they consisted of three boring, theory based subjects relating to professional issues and legal aspects of computing, data modelling and Information technology infrastructure. At one point, the data protection act, its dates and amendment’s had me stuck on one single line for almost an hour-Yes it was THAT mind-numbingly tedious!

However, now that I look back over those weeks they seem nothing more than a blur. I spent the entire night and half the day catching up on lost sleep, woke up after 2 pm  and smiled at myself just thinking of the three weeks of holidays I now have left to enjoy before the next semester begins sometime next month.

Living on Latte's!!

Living on Latte’s!!

The first thing I did today was to transfer the tons of random pictures of friends I took these last couple of months from my phone onto my laptop. I have come to be known as the photographer of the group, based on my love for pictures. I just feel this need to ALWAYS take a picture of the moment; it’s like an urge to click away and capture it, simply helping me to stop time in its tracks and enclosing within it a memory which if treasured well enough can last a life time.

Looking through these pictures always gets me laughing. The funny faces, silly poses, and the very act of remembering that moment in its essence no matter how recent, is always so beautifully invigorating.

Any picture, however insignificant at the time stirs memories like no other. It brings back that smell of coffee on the morning of the exam day. The reminder of anxious, frustrated students, with filthy habits; smoking by the main entrance. That heavy stench of weed which fills the air often attempted to be concealed by chewing gum. The loud music blasting through the speakers in the early evening just as the sun begins to set and the Caribbean students come out with their roller blades, carefully manoeuvring through the outdoor benches, pulling somersaults in the air amid applause from other students.

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Nothing beats reminiscing over such instances which bring with them hope and faith for the future yet sorrow at how fast time seems to be passing.

I can’t help but think of how quickly I will be out of this place, away from all the people and moving onto the next phase of life. Though I may be happy this semester is over, I’m still sorry it went so fast…

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” ― C. JoyBell C.

“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.” -Leonardo Da Vinci

“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.” -Leonardo Da Vinci

Nadia Nawaz