Dear Diary…

dear-diary

As of today, two years, 2 months and 11 days…

There was a time when feelings floated along the surface, fading as quickly as the rain clouds vanished after a storm. Never lasting more than a few moments in time. Emotions were never so deeply embedded. Seconds were never given their due importance and time just swept along, mindlessly spent as the days drew to a close.

Over the years all that has changed as drastically as the seasons come and go. Memories are now so preciously stored, and life which once so precariously balanced on the edge is savoured and cherished.
Distance has taught the hardest lesson of all. Fondness for those who are absent has increased so out of proportion that words are often insufficient to explain the explosion of feelings experienced.
The value of people and the difference they make in your life, the way a person touches you from the inside making them so impossibly hard to let go of, and the very fragility of life are all emotions so anew and foreign.

But perhaps the hardest lesson of all is that of attachment. Of how an attachment can break you down, confuse you beyond belief and suck the very life out of you when mishandled. How the obsessive thoughts of one person or people can render you incompetent. How your heart can become plagued by them, causing a deep-rooted dissatisfaction.
Above all, how dangerous an attachment can be. How hard it becomes to rid yourself of it and begin life all over.. For nothing can cause pain, like that of giving up a part of yourself you wanted to keep as yours alone forever.. but can undoubtedly never have.

nadia nawaz

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Him and Her

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To her, he was a beautifully treasured memory carefully stored and revisited time and time again, added to and deleted from as days flew by. To him,she was just a thought at the back of his mind always there floating in the midst of the chaos which filled his head. Ever present yet somehow blanketed over by more pressing matters

She spent her days and nights revisiting the memories, smiling over them and cherishing them with all her heart wondering just how time would play her this time. He casually glided over her funny chatters on odd occasions, chiding himself for the sacred few smiles her recollection brought to his face on long lonesome summer nights.

Her days were filled with the buzz of the busy city and the warmth of his memories. The happiness she had thought so little of once upon a time and the confusion and ache of rushed goodbyes.His days were filled with the chatter and gossip of his mates, the work which got him through the hours, the gloom of slowly ticking seconds and emptiness of a soul which refused to take a leap of faith, too afraid to dare to dream.

Together they moved on in time, living their separate lives, thinking often but doing little, simply passing through the midst of all that surrounded them. In a world inhabited by millions they were simply HIM and HER..

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nadia nawaz

And life surely does go on!

A sudden sense of dread and fear washed over me as I realized that I had done it once again. Not soon after however, it was replaced by a numbness so intense that I became unfocused, aloof and unaware of the happenings of my surroundings, driving my entire focus towards an attempt to find the item I had misplaced.

Being as absent-minded as a person can get, I always have this conscious feeling at the back of my mind; wondering when the next incident of me losing something I cherish will occur. Kind of like an obsession, I mentally tick off everything that’s important to me at the end of each day thankful for everything that I have been given.However what’s strange is no matter how careful I am, I always end up losing items I love and people I care for in the most absurd ways possible.

Everything in its own way leaves its mark, creating a sentimental place in us which very few choose to acknowledge or even admit. Loss is something we are all accustomed to in one way or another. This does not singularly have to do with the death of a person but can be related to the loss of any material item, loosing touch with a friend, a petty conflict which can cause an irreparable rift between two people, loss of a pet or even witnessing a disturbing incident. Moving through life in such rapidity, many of us fail to grasp the impact of loss when it does come. Each of us deals with it in their own unique way, indifferent to others.

While some choose to shut it out completely, others tend to revisit the memories allowing themselves to feel the same pain over and over. Though there is no set way to deal with such things allowing yourself time to comes to terms with it and focusing on the more positive aspects of life always helps. Focusing more on people worse off that you, and admiring their resilience can help us to deal with our own disappointments  much more easily.

nadia nawaz

Such is life, so dream with me

It was another one of those nights. She had awakened so suddenly, gasping in terror as she clutched the thin blanket wrapping it tightly around her frail self. She sat up and gently rocked her body forward and backward as she tried to calm herself down. Continue reading

Will you be mine?

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Location: England, UK

I stand spell-bound, timing my departure to correspond to the setting sun and its farewell. I watch, as it slowly begins to fade away surrounded by a wide expanse of colours spread out across the horizon. Each ray merges into another creating a mesmerizing breath-taking view of an array of patterns. Reds, oranges and purples, a splash of pink and blue here and there surround an orb of the yellow softened glow. Continue reading