The entire idea of him was something completely foreign to her. He had an aura of contentment and dominance about him and though a part of her wanted to continue exploring, he intimidated her. He was, in his very essence different in every way possible from anyone she had met so far. Learning about his experiences was an exciting concept. Yet a sense of hesitancy still held her back from embracing him in his entirety. She was afraid. Secrets were only allowed when kept or revealed by her, and that untold past of his kept her under a blanket of mistrust, holding her back from happiness once again..
He raised his head and looked up at the sky in a desperate attempt to be rid of the hell he was living in. His face a mask of anguish, his eyes brimming with tears as he stared up into the dark night sky. He was not ashamed of the tears that rolled down his cheeks for he had been strong for much too long. His breath caught in his throat as he felt his strength slowly seep out of him.
Mustering all his energy he raised his hands and yelled in frustration. The pain gnawed at him eating away at his insides day by day yet there was nothing he could do but watch. Spread all around him were stacks of dead bodies and human remains, left so savagely in the streets, unclaimed, deserted and unburied.
The war had taken away from him, the very reason for his existence. His hopes and dreams crushed so brutally, he had become hardened by the physically demanding task of survival.
The human suffering and agony was unbearable to witness, a strong beautiful young man once so full of hope now a hollow mask of ruin and isolation along with the many other children of war…
As she stands there and listens to those petty excuses, the repeated apologies and meaningless promises, she knows for certain you’re nothing but a liar. Yet she stands there out of pity, offering you one last chance to redeem yourself and maybe just grow up.
You are nothing but a boy, with the body of a man. Physically strong and empowering, towering over her with that domineering look and self-confident smirk playing across your face. On the inside however, you are neither strong nor arrogant, rather a helpless little kid, unsure of yourself and oh so lost.
What you hide underneath that tough stature and steel facade no longer fools her for she has dissected your mind and found there nothing but a child. The thoughts of a small teenaged boy, immature and afraid. You try to impress her; you want nothing more than to fit in, to be the man who is looked up to. You crave power and you want to be understood. You try to hide it, but you cannot fool her. She sees the frightened little boy behind those eyes, the terror lurching in them. The disappointment and hurt. The horror of being rejected. Yet you attract her, like a magnet draws itself to another, but she knows that attraction can be overcome, for what’s the point of an empty shell if it no longer has a pearl?
She watches you as you draw other girls towards yourself with your classy style and mesmerizing looks. Then you play with them, for the child within you comes alive. You treat them like dolls in your play house, only to be trashed and passed on once you’ve had your fill; for you know big boys don’t stick to one toy-they move on and get better toys-newer, shinier more attractive toys.
She knows your game so well. And she refuses to be a part of it. She won’t be your toy for she still looks for that lost pearl which left behind its shell so long ago…
Girls always tend to look up to boys older than them. Generally the immature mind-set and oddness of those younger ones never seem to appeal to them. This largely has to do with the maturity level and quicker psychological growth of girls over boys.
They say a girl matures much faster than a boy her age. In fact according to a study, girls are around three to five years ahead in their intellectual abilities and maturity as compared to boys the same age. Of course this cannot be taken as a general rule and may differ depending on each individual. However what’s agreed upon is the lower level of maturity in boys earlier on in their youth. This tends to even out later on once past the ages of twenty-three to twenty-five and does not affect their intelligence or intellectual abilities over time.
Taking this in stride, women mostly marry men older than them, but this never seems to pose a problem or form a barrier of any kind. In contrast, marriages in which women are elder of the two, often don’t last.
And so she stands there, completely silent yet observant as ever, watching you slowly drift away. She wishes she could reach out and protect you, stop you from falling over the edge but as she watches, you move further and further away and she knows with a certainty that she cannot save you anymore. One day she will find that lost pearl. That precious, artfully concealed gem, which is somewhere out there, just beyond her reach…